| Rhett Smith:. Transitioning Life's Journey – Reflections on Writing, Therapy, and Faith | Archive

Archive - June, 2006

What a mess!

June 30, 2006 in Uncategorized with 2 Comments

Last week the PCUSA was in Birmingham, Alabama for the big General Assembly conference. At issue were a couple of key votes among the many issues they were discussing. First, there is the whole issue about upholding the chastity and purity clauses for ordination. Mark Roberts has been blogging on this issue and their “schizophrenic” decision as he put it regarding this issue. Second, is the issue of encouraging Presbyterians to use new words to reflect the Trinity. Apparently, Father, Son and Holy Spirit is not suffice. Now most of you who read my blog know that I am always battling for the right of women in ministry and that I get pretty upset about the emphasis on Biblical manhood and patriarchy. But even I find this whole PCUSA thing quite ridiculous.

On one level, we can never find words that are suffice at describing God or the Trinity, but when we start picking words that almost seem ridculous and cause others to break down in laughter, something seems amiss. On another level I am also okay with God being described in more feminine terms. But I don’t know how we begin to begin to describe the Trinity in more feminine terms without losing some important theological concepts. And to be completely honest, I could live with people saying Mother, Daughter and Holy Spirit, as I have friends in ministry who do that. I have acutally been told by others as well that I should start using more feminizing language in my talk about God.

I haven’t done enough theological research or followed the PCUSA stuff in such detail that I clearly feel free to discuss at length some of these issues. As a pastor and as a male, I strive very ardently to use neutrual language when necessary, especially when it used horizontally (he, she, they, etc.). But I have found it much harder to apply that to my vertical language towards God. I find Father, Son and Holy Spirit suffice, though others may not. I am open for discussion, but I find many of the other choices that PCUSA has pushed for as almost laughable. Here are some samples:

The specific references to the Trinity in the report:

–Sun, Light and Burning Ray

–Compassionate Mother, Beloved Child and Life-giving Womb

–Giver, Gift and Giving

–Rainbow of Promise, Ark of Salvation and Dove of Peace.

–Lover, Beloved and the Love, and Binds Together Lover and Beloved

–Overflowing Font, Living Water, Flowing River

–One From Whom, the One Through Whom, and the One in Whom We Offer Our Praise

–Rock, Cornerstone and Temple

–Fire That Consumes, Sword That Divides, and Storm That Melts Mountains

–Creator, Savior, Sanctifier

–Rock, Redeemer, Friend

–King of Glory, Prince of Peace, Spirit of Love

–One Who Was, the One Who Is and the One Who Is to Come

Source: “The Trinity: God’s Love Overflowing,” a report by a committee of the Presbyterian Church (USA)

As one theologian said, I can live with speaking about the Trinity in supplementary ways, but not replacing or substituting Father, Son and Holy Spirit for these:

Daniel L. Migliore, a member of the committee that spent five years crafting the report, said critics miss the point. “What we are speaking of is supplementary ways of referring to the triune God– not replacements, not substitutes,” said Migliore, professor of systematic theology at Princeton Theological Seminary.

Or as my pastor said in the Los Angeles Times:

The Rev. Mark Brewer, senior pastor of Bel Air Presbyterian Church, is among those in the 2.3-million-member denomination unhappy with the additions.

“You might as well put in Huey, Dewey and Louie,” he said.

June 28, 2006 in Ministry-Theology with 2 Comments

If you read Rob Bell or Donald Miller you might be interested in reading Brent Thomas’ post, You Can’t Not Have Doctrine, where he compares both of these writers and their books and how they are alike.

I very much like both Miller and Bell and have read pretty much everything they have written. Blue Like Jazz and Velvet Elvis have been two books that have influenced me in some very profound ways.

In Brent’s post he makes the comment:

We need to be fair here and admit that Bell and Miller have some valid concerns. Doctrine is often far too rigid and exclusionary, it often formalizes and brings an academic air to truths that were meant to ignite our souls. But at some point we must exclude; some things simply are not Christian and for all the talk of springy relationships, I want to say that at some point, orthodoxy is important.

Being a friend of Brent and knowing that our theological paths are quite different, I do appreciate his acknowledgement of Bell and Miller and the concerns they do raise. It is a difficult thing to recognize those who often stand very opposite your beliefs. I wonder what Christianity would look like if we could all work together and “play off” one another’s strengths? But it seems for now that there is a lot of fear from all of us based on the perspectives and the positions that we stand in. We fear the fundamentalists because of their views and the image that they often portray in the media, etc. We fear the liberals because we are fearful that they stand on nothing. These are general stereotypes of course, but it is a fearful thing to be in a place or position, knowing that you have no control over someone, and at the same time wondering how far they will push something.

The slippery slope is a fear provoking thing in many circles, yet I wonder sometimes if we live in too much fear of people going off the deep end if you will. Maybe…or actually, asking these questions and pushing the edge and walking the slippery slope is part of the journey in our faith….and if we don’t tread this part of the journey we shortchange ourselves and fail to be authentic in our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Just wondering out loud. Again, Brent, I appreciate your willingness to engage with those outside of your “theological circles” and to acknowledge the good that they do, though you may disagree with some of their stances, etc. Maybe that will give me some encouragement to look at those that I disagree with and to see what good they do, and what I can learn from them (i.e. Piper, Sproul, etc).

Porn Addiction and Women…

June 27, 2006 in Marriage-Family with 3 Comments

HT: Rich Kirkpatrick.

As you have noticed I have been blogging a little bit on sexual addiction and pornography. And one of the reasons I have been doing this is because I just finished up a week long intensive class on Addictions. And to say the least, the class was both amazing and shocking. And as we talked about sexual addiction and pornography I could sense that there was sort of a disconnect between the 8-9 guys in the class and the 50 plus women. I could sense that the men really grasped, or had personal experience with the powerful force of pornography, while some women, not all of them, quite didn’t grasp it. That’s not anyone’s fault, but that women it seems in general have less contact with the online world of pornography, or at least of it’s addictive and powerful force. I don’t know if this is a true statement overall, but just one that seems true from my personal experiences and conversations with men and women in class. Or maybe it’s more fair to say that women know that pornography is addictive, but they have been less likely than men to struggle with it, so that’s where the disconnect, or different experiences color the perspective.

But I know underneath all of this is the whisperings I hear of an online growing porn addiction with women. Then I read this great article in Relevant Magazine Dirty Girls: The New Porn Addicts, by Anne Jackson.

Anne who blogs at Flowerdust, writes a gripping personal account of her own addiction to online pornography. Go to Relevant to read her entire article, but I especially found this quote powerful.

At least for me, viewing these outwardly flawless women fed a huge emotional need. I was able to put myself in the role of what I was seeing, and by doing that, it made me feel beautiful and accepted.

I was transformed into a perfect, sexy body, and I was desired and wanted. I was able to escape my own flawed physical appearance and be transformed, in my mind, to this perfect woman.

My online activities also played out in my daily life. I was engaged for about a year and cheated on my fiancee. After that, I “dated” several new guys a month, getting physically involved with them in some regard.

According to everything I had seen, to be accepted and loved meant a sexual relationship, and what girl doesn’t need to be accepted and loved? I gave so many pieces of my body and my heart away during those years.

Sexual Addiction

June 23, 2006 in Marriage-Family with 7 Comments

Chances are very high that if you have ever been online (which you are because you are reading this blog) you have probably been exposed to pornography or spam emails soliciting sex. If you haven’t, then I would be very, very surprised. In fact, very shocked. I have talked about pornography before, especially as it relates to college students, but I have a renewed interest in this topic for several reasons.

1. Because in my MFT graduate work I am seeing the devastating effects of pornography and sexual addiction in families.

2. My work with college students in ministry, and my work with young children in my clinical counseling work has opened my eyes to the rampant sexualization of youth.

3. I think pornography and sexual addiction is a topic that effects many people and we choose to primarily keep it hush hush, ignore it, or completely sweep it under the rug.

I just finished up today a week long class on Addictions. When you think of addictions you think most often of alcohol and drugs. But then there are other addictions that are more acceptable, i.e. food, greed, caffeine, co-dependency, etc., etc. And then there are addictions that are very uncomfortable to talk about, i.e. pornography and sexual addiction. This morning in class the professor showed a video on sexual addiction and while that video was playing you could feel the tension, anxiety, shock, embarrassment, etc. in the classroom. Why? Not because people aren’t aware of this addiction (many are not), but rather because we don’t talk about it very much while many suffer and struggle with it.

As the professor got up and talked this morning he discussed at length this topic and some of his own intervention work with pastors with sexual addiction. I also remember writing my paper for my Practical Theology seminar on pastoral ethics, in which I did a case study on a prominent mega-church pastor who “fell” and lost the ministry and destroyed the church because of a sexual addiction that had gone unchecked. By that I mean, he, as many pastors, sometimes put themselves in places where they eventually become unaccountable to anyone. As their power and influence and iconic status increases they gradually move to places and positions where they become vulnerable to addictive behavior. Christianity Today asked the question this week in an article, Does Ministry Fuel Addictive Behavior?

This is an important topic for the church, especially since it is such a secretive topic that carries so much shame with it. I wonder how many of the people in our churches on Sunday struggle with sexual addiction? I hardly know of a guy who hasn’t struggled with pornography at some level, and instant internet access doesn’t help this out. This also just isn’t a men’s issue as we most often think, but there are many girls in our congregation struggling with sexual addiction, but it sometimes comes in a different form than how guy’s express it. Last night I was watching CSI and they dropped a reference to “rainbow parties.” What are rainbow parties you ask? Just read Michelle Malkin’s blog on this issue. As Michelle Malkin puts it, “A ‘rainbow party,’ you see, is a gathering of boys and girls for the purpose of engaging in group oral sex. Each girl wears a different colored lipstick and leaves a mark on each boy. At night’s end, the boys proudly sport their own cosmetically-sealed rainbow you-know-where bringing a whole new meaning to the concept of ‘party favors.’”

Oh, and what about issues related to online communities such as MySpace? I know of many who are not on my space just to avoid the temptation of some of the content on that site.

I could go on and on, and give you tons of statistics. But the reality is, is that the Porn capitol of the world is in our backyard here in Los Angeles, and our culture is being affected by it in many ways. We are seeing it in the sexualization of our children and in the young, very young clients I work with. We see it in our ministries. But the reality most often remains is that we approach the subject with joking or with avoidance. We joke and say things like, “Oh, all guys look at Playboy…men are men. That’s okay” Or we know that our kids are online for hours at night while we sleep, but we pretend that they are just playing online games. And when we choose to joke about a very serious topic or avoid it completely, we fail to help those in true need.

This next year I am going to talk about sexual addiction in the college group. I have touched on it briefly before, but this topic needs to have more attention paid to it, and my students need to hear the honest truth because this is an issue that I know they struggle with at times. I think that we would ultimately be surprised if we really knew who was struggling with this issue. It does not discriminate and affects everyone either directly or indirectly in some way.

Before I leave you with some resources, just let me say that sexual addiction comes in many forms from masturbation, to vouyerism, to visiting strip clubs, sleeping around, etc, etc….so I don’t want people to think that pornography and men’s struggle with it is all that I mean…but it is what is most often thought of and is a huge issue. So I hope that you look into this issue of sexual addiction….and if you need help, may you seek it…..and if you know someone in need of help, may you be the one person to step in and help them.

For additional information on sexual addiction, pornography, etc, I have listed some resources below. This is a very limited listing and there is way more information and resources out there, but I am only now beginning to learn about this topic more at length and how people can be helped.

Check out Celebrate Recovery, which offers sexual addiction help/support groups.

Visit the XXX Church website and check out the resources they offer. Listen to their podcasts as well which will illuminate and alarm you to the reality of pornography, etc.

Read Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families, which is a book I haven’t read yet, but am in the process of beginning because of countless recommendations.

Ordination? And the PCUSA….

June 23, 2006 in Ministry-Theology with 2 Comments

When it comes to Presbyterian Churches USA, I attend a very unique one. Unique in that it is growing. Unique in that most people who attend our church rarely know we are Presbyterian Church USA. These statements may get me in trouble, but that is the reality. If you were to attend our 9am Traditional Service you would witness more of the liturgy and vestments that would cue one in on our denominational distinctiveness. But if you were to attend our 11am Contemporary and our 6pm Contemporary/Contemplative Service you would most likely not be cued in on our denominational facets unless a pastor stated it out loud in service.

This is nothing new to denominations and churches. I know of many churches that have dropped or veiled their denominational ties so as not to turn people away. I don’t believe we have dropped or veiled our denominational distinctiveness at all….rather, it’s just not an issue for the majority of our church. Most of our church could care less what denomination we are. They come because of community, because of worship, because of the preaching of the Word. Outside of that, the majority of people don’t come into Los Angeles looking for a Presbyterian Church.

Sometimes when I am speaking in the college group and mention that we are PCUSA, I get staring looks from students as if to say, “What? Really?” Basically, it has no connection with their reality, or why they are there. In fact, if students were honest with me, most might be leary of being a part of the PCUSA because of what they have been hearing in church as of late. They are leary because of the politics involved regarding ordination, polity, etc.

What am I talking about? Are you lost? If so, no worries. It can be confusing sometimes.

Where do I fit into all of this you may ask. I originally went to Fuller Theological Seminary to pursue Ph.D. work with no intention of entering into the ministry. But then there was that pesky nine month church internship that is required in a Master of Divinity program. So I decided I wanted to work with college students and few churches had college ministries, so I decided to find one that did. And that was Bel Air Presbyterian. I called them up and asked if I could intern with them for nine months. They said yes, and six months into my internship they hired me as the full-time college director. That was in July 2002. Over those four years God has really given me a heart not only for college students, but for ministry in general. And my love and passion for the Church, which I have always been a part of, has increased even more. Despite the Church’s flaws and foibles, it is a community that I love being a part of.

So what happens when a seminary student goes through a Master of Divinity program, but isn’t pursuing ordination at the time? What happens is that it puts you way behind. The PCUSA ordination process is about three years full-time. It is a lengthy and demanding process. So here I am with a completed Master of Divinity degree and an almost complete MFT degree, but I am not able to perform any of the sacraments such as communion, weddings, baptisms, etc. Why? Because I am not ordained PCUSA as of yet. That’s not their fault, but my fault.

So why do I tell you all of this? Because I am currently “under care” in the ordination process moving towards “candidacy.” But I have been slow in this process….one, because life is busy and it’s hard to fulfill some of the requirments I have left (3 months full-time/6 months part-time hosptial chaplaincy and 3 months full-time/6 months part-time church internship experience that is different from current church experience) when I already work full-time and finishing up graduate school and am married. Also, I have had questions about the meeting of the PCUSA at the General Assembly that has just happened. I have been waiting to see what they have decided on some issues.

And if I read Mark Roberts new blogging series on the PCUSA,
The End of the Presbyterian Church USA, makes you begin to wonder about the future of our denomination.

I am a newbie in the PCUSA world, relatively speaking, so I don’t have much to offer from a techincal viewpoint of the Book of Order, etc. But I have recently been fielding more and more questions from students who are concerned about what they hear in the PCUSA. And I have also noticed that students don’t care about denominationalism and the decisions churches make at times, as long as it directly doesn’t impact their communities.

So while the PCUSA meets at the General Assembly this week for one of its most important meetings, most of our congregation is unaware and probably doesn’t care.

So as for me now. I will continue to pursue the ordination process and minister to the college students that I love. But in the midst of all this, the future of the denomination I work in seems uncertain.

I will post more on this issue, but also read Mark Roberts blog if you have questions, or are wondering about what is going on. But for now, I leave you with a quote from him:

I’m sad to say I believe this vote is the beginning of the end of the PCUSA. I’m not saying this only because I believe that ordaining people who intend not to practice fidelity and chastity is wrong, but also because any institution that says “Here are the rules but you can decide whether the rules have to be followed or not” is doomed. Consider what would happen if the United States acted like the PCUSA. Under the Constitution, people are guaranteed the freedom of speech. But what would be left of our national union if states had the authority to decide whether or not to allow their residents to speak freely, and in what circumstances. We’d soon find ourselves in unending conflicts and general anarchy. This is where the PCUSA is heading, I fear. Of course some would say, given what has happened today, we’re already there.

Today’s vote to approve the Peace, Unity, and Purity Report has begun to rupture the fragile peace of the PCUSA. It has begun to shatter our institutional unity. It has given tacit approval to the tarnishing of our purity. I’m not suggesting that the people who voted in favor of the PUP Report believe what I just said. On the contrary, they believe that their vote will further the Peace, Unity, and Purity of the PCUSA. I wish I agreed. But I don’t. Even though people I deeply respect have supported the PUP Report, I fear they’ve made a grave mistake.

PCUSA, ordination

June 22, 2006 in Ministry-Theology with 1 Comment

Benjamin Myers as always has great posts. Here is another great posting on Karl Barth, where he discusses Barth and universalism

“Does Ministry Fuel Addictive Behavior”

June 21, 2006 in Ministry-Theology with 3 Comments

Religious culture has a hard time with pastors and pastor’s families who have flaws. Of course, the healthiest congregations do not expect their pastors to walk on water, do not put their pastors on pedestals. But in my experience, such congregations are not the norm.

Thousands of pastors serve congregations that, despite rhetoric to the contrary, expect their leaders to maintain (at least for public viewing) near-perfect marriages, near-perfect families, and near-perfect lives.

While it may be fine that their pastor forgets to take out the trash, is hyper-addicted to football, burns the toast, or consistently forgets his wife’s birthday (all endearing foibles that make good fodder for sermon jokes), he’d better not have any serious bouts of depression, credit issues, children who get caught selling ecstasy, or a wife with a drinking problem.

That quote from this article in Christianity Today really caught my eye for several reasons. 1) I am a pastor, who was raised in a pastor’s home. And as a family we experienced our own share of struggles and trials; 2) I am in a summer school intensive class on Addictions at Fuller Seminary for my MFT program. These two things have me thinking more and more about addictive behavior within the church. For example, what is acceptable and unacceptable addictive behavior. Where alcohol use and sexual sin are most often preached about, other addictive behaviors such as overeating, gambling, pride, greed, etc. are constantly looked over…or as seen as more acceptable in Chrisitianity. What about co-dependency? That’s a pretty acceptable addictive behavior in Christian churches as one of my classmates pointed out this morning.

As someone who was raised in a church and have always been a pastor’s kid, I understand the pressure that pastors and their families feel to put on the “right face” in church. That’s what congregations expect, and that ultimately can drive a pastor or his or her family into withdrawal from real issues that need to be openly faced or discussed. What becomes even more dangerous in when pastor’s eventually reach a place where their addictive behavior becomes unaccountable to anyone, because they have reached such a powerful iconic status in their church, that nothing they do or say is confronted. Too many pastors and churches have hit the rocks because of that.

As I am sitting in my class listening about the in and outs of cocaine and heroine use; sexual and alcohol addiction; prescription drug use; eating disorders, etc……I either have the option to ignore it as not being appropriate talk for Christians, which often happens in many circles. Or I can pull my head out of the sand and realize that addictive behavior is not exclusive to any people group…it affects everyone, and it’s about time that we in the church spend appropriate time addressing difficult issues related to online pornography and its addictive nature that is affecting a huge generation of mostly males…addressing alcohol abuse which affects way more in a congregation than I think many want to believe….what about gambling…it has become an acceptable church activity at many men’s events, but do we realize that that addictive behavior is destroying many lives in our congregations.

Anyways…I’m ranting right now. But no one is exempt from being overtaken by addictions and we as a Christian community need to start addressing these things more openly, and be a part of the help and transformation process.

This is also an interesting topic in light of some of the big conversation on line related to alcohol use. Brent Thomas has a great post on the SBC’s position on alcohol use. I happen to be someone who likes beer and wine, so I appreciate Brent’s post. But as I have visited some AA groups for class this week, I am beginning to think about the challenge we have in the church to teach moderation and responsibility regarding some behaviors that can become addictive….and then how do we also protect the vulnerable. It’s a tough challenge, but one I think the church community is up for.