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Archive - November, 2005
If you have any opinions on “emerging churches”, well then you need to read this book so that you are better informed.
There is a new book out that I have been waiting for several months to read. It is co-written by Fuller Theological Seminary professors Eddie Gibbs, whom you many know from his
CT Award for his book Church Next,and Ryan Bolger.
The book is Emerging Churches: Creating Christian Community in Postmodern Cultures, and is a compilation of their five years of research on “emerging churches” in the United States and the UK.
I am not very far into the book at this point, but it is definitely the most comprehensive treatment that I have read on “emerging churches.” They have spent the last five years compiling data, doing research, visiting churches and speaking to those in ministry. So if you are looking for a book on “emerging churches” that is more than just someone’s thoughts or opionions, this is it, as it reads more like a Ph.D dissertation (though not dry like some of those can be). Though Gibbs and Bolger probably have their personal opinions on “emerging churches”, the book at this point is rather their unveiling of what their research has turned up, and what it is pointing to.
What I have found most interesting so far in my reading is that “emerging churches” are nothing new, but rather what we are seeing now is the fruition of conversation and movement that has been happening since the early 90′s, if not earlier. But most of that has gone undetected my those in mainstream churches. So why most of us are running around crying out “fad” or “trend”, or wondering what this is….well, it has been in process for years.
As I read through this book I will be commenting on some of the things that I come across, and I hope it will stir discussion.
I have a lot to say, but I will leave you with this extended quote from Chapter 2 of their book, concerning the dismantling or deconstruction of modern church structure:
Because of this essential dismantling work, some outside of the movement have said that those in emerging churches do not love the church or that they are full of negativity because of their propensity for dismantling church structures. This is to misread the movement entirely. What to some may appear to be pointless complaining is part of a larger process of dismantling ideas of church that simply are not viable in postmodern culture. Neither the gospel nor the culture demands these expressions of the faith. Emerging churches remove modern practices of Christianity, not the faith itself. Western Christianity has wed itself to a culture, the modern culture, which is now in decline. Many of us do not know what a postmodern or post-Christendom expression of faith looks like. Perhaps nobody does. But we need to give these leaders space to have this conversation, for this dismantling needs to occur if we are to see the gospel translated for and embodied in twenty-first-century Western culture. In many ways, this is a fragile movement that can be marginalized by denominational leaders and killed with criticism by theological power brokers. Whatever reservations people may have, these new voices need to be heard. Many of these innovative leaders are looking for mentors rather than critics. (pp.28-29)
Closing ruminations:
Is not the current structure that you are part of, whether it be political, ecclesiastical, business, etc….are they not the fruition or the outcome of something that had been previously dismantled?
I wonder if denominational leaders or “theological power brokers” are interested in conversing or mentoring those in “emerging churches” or rather, they see them as a threat to their own sense of control and power?
We can discuss and question whether or not something can and should be dismantled….but I wonder if we ever reflect on our own theological traditions and ponder how much dismantling occured for us to be where we are….and then, are we at the right place, or does more dismantling need to occur in this process.
My brain is fried….therefore, I can offer you no new and original material of my own this Friday…but here is some good stuff for weekend reading!
Mark Roberts has got a great post over at One True God Blog on MTV and the Formation of the Soul.
I am quite positive that watching Beavis and Butthead, The Real World, or MTV Spring Break during my formative college years was not very soul forming in the way that I would have liked. Mark just doesn’t look at MTV here, but also talks about those who may watch too much Fox News, talking heads, etc.
Tod Bolsinger has got a great series right now on the Sermon on the Mount. I have particularly liked reading The Problem with Narrow and Do you trust me?
Rudy Carrasco is the executive director of the Harambee Christian Family Center in Pasadena, CA, and he has a great post titled Ethnic Diversity Within the Church That is Emerging. This article begins with this paragraph:
I get asked a lot about whether the emerging church discussion is just something for white guys with two books under the arm and a budget to travel around to conferences. Of course, rarely does anyone ask it in precisely that way, but that’s not far from a composite question. The answer is no. To be sure, there is dialogue happening at national events, in books and magazines, and on prominent blogs that often looks like the aforementioned caricature. But people who are familiar with Emergent and interested in the questions about church and culture, fixing what is broken, and epistemology, are diverse by geography, theological tradition, and ethnicity. You just may not be familiar with them.
Rudy goes on to link about 24 different bloggers from a diversity of backgrounds. Good stuff.
Craig Wiliams who blogs a lot about CS Lewis, has a great post here called, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: A Question of Tactics. This is a good post, especially as we get closer to the movie premier of this book.
More fuel for the fires…..
Just in case you didn’t already have enough to think about, discuss or debate, I give you How Emergent Are You? McClaren’s Seven Layers of the Emergent Conversation, which I found over at Rich Kirkpatrick’s site
If you are wrestling with identity, vocation, calling, or something similar to that, this is a must read……
If you were in college group last night, this is the book that I highly recommended and told everyone that they must read.
Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer.
And if you are not a student, nor in the college ministry I oversee, I recommend this book to you as well. I will say more about this book later, but I believe it to be a must read if you are wrestling with “calling” and “vocation.” I read this book four years ago and it changed my perception on these ideas very drastically. I am again reading the book and it is again revolutionizing the way I think about “calling”, “vocation” and how my identity is wrapped up in those things.
Palmer makes the point early on in the book that the vocational question we should be asking ourselves is not “what ought I to do with my life,” but rather, “Who am I?” Because “vocation” is not a goal that we pursue, but rather a “calling” that we hear…according to Palmer.
This book is a must read, and I believe now that I should read it every year. It will both make you feel uncomfortable and free you at the same time. Uncomfortable because you will realize that there are limits to what we can do and uncomfortable when you realize that maybe your false identity has allowed you to pursue, or hear the wrong things or the wrong “calling.” But it is at the same time freeing, knowing that God has placed us in the tension between our strengths and our limits.
Learning Hard Lessons in Blogging….
Yesterday I received this comment from Steve York on my website. If you don’t know who Steve York is I won’t go into detail rehashing the issue. But this is his posted comment below, with the post that he commented on.
Rhett-
A week after the fact and you still can’t help but mentioning me.
Do you have an attraction to my name? A blogging fetish? Well? I won’t judge you based on what thoughts you have on me; let’s get it into the open and take it from there.
-Stevie Why/Steve York
Blog post that Steve commented on
This posted comment led me to write a short email to him. I won’t get into details, but it has led me to think about a few things. These thoughts are not necessarily fluid and completely cohesive, but nonetheless I owe them to you and to Steve.
Thought One:
We sometimes go about the task of blogging, posting comments or emailing, I believe, without really taking into consideration that who we may talk about is a real person at the other end. Technology has allowed us to depersonalize many things, including. So when I blogged about Steve and the UCSD incident, it is quite possible that I thought less of Steve as a real, tangible person, and more about my own thoughts on the issue. I honestly believe that whether it was Steve or someone else, we all tend to do this. I know I do. Question: How many of you blog without really thinking that that person you are criticizing or judging or condeming, may actually be reading this? Maybe that’s what you want. But I think most of us, especially if our audience is small, don’t expect many people to read our stuff. But that doesn’t happen anymore when you can type in your name at Technorati.
Thought Two:
Hugh Hewitt did the right thing by bringing Steve on the air and voicing concern about the incident. Hugh could have just as easily aired hiw own thoughts about him, but Hugh seemed more concern about him as a person, and giving Steve a chance to talk.
This is evident from the opening statement from Hugh in the interview:
HH: Good. Steve, I’m not really interested in debating you so much as getting some facts about this that are just not out there. So let’s start with you. How old are you and where are you from?
later on Hugh says this:
HH: So, no one’s come up to you and said Steve, what you’re going to do is change your life, you’re going to mark yourself forever as the guy who did the show at UCSD.
then this about going back:
HH: Well actually, there is. There is going back. There’s always…you don’t have to do this, right?
then this about the porn industry:
HH: Okay, because this industry destroys a lot of people. And I actually don’t want to argue with you so much as just to let you know it’s okay to later on say you know what? I really screwed up, because I think you really screwed up here.
then this, which I really think affirms Steve as a person, though Hugh disagrees with the incident:
HH: Okay, Steve. I’m out of time. Maybe I’ll have you back. But hear me say this. You don’t have to stand where you are right now. You can go back. You can say I made a mistake. And I’ll pray that you come up to that decision. Thanks for joining me.
This exchange is interesting to me. If I had to do it over again, I wish I would have tried to make contact with Steve. But I didn’t, because it’s much easier to talk about someone than it is to actually make contact with someone, whether it’s forming a relationship, friendship, or just having a conversation.
Thought Three:
Jesus always seemed to be concerned about relationships, and making that priority over someone’s sin, brokeness, mistakes, etc. Both in John 4 where Jesus confronts the woman with multiple husbands, and then John 8, when Jesus confronts the woman caught in adultery, what seems to be at the forefront of Jesus’ interactions is a restoration of relationship; of valuing a person for who they are, not for what they have done. I think it is much easier for Christians to devalue a person, and to elevate one’s wrong doings over them as a person. This gets even easier in the age of cyberspace. There is little accountability and relationship building.
Thought Four:
If I had to do it over, I would go back and make sure that if someone were reading my posts on this issue, that they would know that I can strongly disagree with what what Steve did, and I can strongly believe that the porn industry is dangerous; but they would know that I still value Steve and care about Steve as a person.
Thought Five:
I think we often fail as Christians because we spend a lot of our life removed from the really difficult and tricky issues of life. Meaning, we remove ourselves from people or places where life is messy or broken, and instead stick with a very safe and sanitized way of living, removed from tough relationships. We are fearful of entering into other people’s lives and situations, for fear of how it may look, or fear of being pulled into it, etc. It reminds me of the the scene in the Lion, the Witch and Wardrobe in the Chronicles of Narnia, when asked if Aslan (the lion figure who is God) is safe. Lucy responds, that no He is not safe, but that He is good. Jesus was not a person who played it safe, and that seemed to be the scandal surrounding him when it concerned the “religious order.”
Closing:
I think the UCSD incident was a mistake, and I think pornography is dangerous. I have seen too many lives affected by pornography, and I work with many students who struggle with it. That being said, I would hope, like Hugh, that Steve York could move on from this incident and head down a different path and away from pornography. I would hope that Steve could look at someone like Hugh, and know that Hugh does care, and will be praying for him. I would hope that Steve would look at the actions of other Christians and know that there are other options in life…other healthy, creative outlets. That we can be forgiven and transformed by Christ. I would want Steve to know, that though I don’t agree with the choices he made, that I still value him as the person that God created and loves.
This is what I am learning about blogging and how it can affect the communities and relationships that we are a part of, or talk about. I think that all of us who blog, or write a lot of emails, should think twice before we send out that post. We should be asking ourselves questions like does this do more good than harm? What is my relationship to this person? And if there is not relationship, do I need to form one? Do I have the right to say this? What am I trying to accomplish? Does this build up, or tear down the community of God? Etc., etc.
A novel you need to read…..
“A novel you need to read…..” Those were the words spoken to me by someone who recommended this book, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Trusting this person, and knowing they had reasons why I would resonate with this book, or enjoy this book, I went out and picked it up. Since I didn’t even know the book or its author, has shown me to be a little ignorant, especially since this book made the Top 100 Religious Books of the 20th Century list (see post below).
I am not going to say much about this book because I don’t want to spoil it, or give away too much. But the title does reflect the premise and theme of this book. Things do fall apart. Sometimes life falls apart. Sometimes the things that we think will bring us security, or happiness or fame, will actually do the opposite, causing things to fall apart. Sometimes life is messy and things can not always be resolved, or put back together, or organized the way we would like them. Sometimes there is not storybook ending. Things just fall apart.
This was a much needed novel for me, as I sometimes expect everything to make sense, and for life to always work out the way I want it to. Maybe sometimes the things I chase after are not what I always need.
This book will leave you wrestling with many things, and you will have many questions in the beginning, during, and at the end of it. And you will have even more questions about the overall view of Christianity that is reflected in the novel.
It is a short, easy read, that will make you think and that may make you feel uncomfortable. At least it did that for me.
Top 100 Religious Books of the 20th Century According to Christianity Today…..What do you think?
In 2000, Christianity Today asked more than 100 of its contributors and church leaders to nominate the The Top 100 Religious Books of the 20th Century.
Why am I posting a blog entry about a book list that is over five years old? I guess because I’m interested in what people read, and what they think about these books. And I am more interested in what looking at such a list can do to us. It can a) make us realize how we limit our reading to our own little sphere of thought, and read only those we want to agree with; b) it can challenge us to step outside of our reading realm, and be exposed to some other great thinkers; c) it provides us with a good list to measure our own reading as compared with some people who have put some thought into it.
We all have our biases and theology, but check out the list for yourself, and see where you are.
Here is their top 10:
THE TOP 10
1. C. S. Lewis
Mere Christianity
The best case for the essentials of orthodox Christianity in print.
David S. Dockery
2. Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Cost of Discipleship
Leaves you wondering why you ever thought complacency or compromise in the Christian life was an option.
Mark Buchanan
3. Karl Barth
Church Dogmatics
Opened a new era in theology in which the Bible, Christ, and saving grace were taken seriously once more.
J. I. Packer
4. J. R. R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings (trilogy)
A classic for children from 9 to 90. Bears constant re-reading.
J. I. Packer
5. John Howard Yoder
The Politics of Jesus
Some 30 years after this book was published, the church has found itself culturally in a more marginal position, and this book is making wider and wider sense.
Rodney Clapp
6. G.K. Chesterton
Orthodoxy
A rhetorically inventive exposition of the coherence of Christian truth.
David Neff
7. Thomas Merton
The Seven Storey Mountain
A painfully candid story of one Christian soul’s walk with grace and struggle, it has become the mark against which all other spiritual autobiographies must be measured.
Phyllis Tickle
8. Richard Foster
Celebration of Discipline
After Foster finishes each spiritual discipline, you not only know what it is, why it’s important, and how to do itâyou want to do it.
Mark Buchanan
9. Oswald Chambers
My Utmost for His Highest
A treasury of daily devotional readings that has fed the souls of millions of Christians in the twentieth century. Future generations of Christians must continue to draw from this treasury.
Richard J. Mouw
10. Reinhold Niebuhr
Moral Man and Immoral Society
Introduced a breathtakingly insightful, shrewd, and cunning realism about human sin, especially in its social expressions, rooted in biblical theology and a penetrating appraisal of the dark era into which the Western world had entered.
David P. Gushee
How do you fare? Have you read any of these books? If so, do you agree? If you have not, then why do you agree or disagree? It’s a pretty good list. Since you will find Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Karl Barth and CS Lewis in my left column as being some of the most influential thinkers in my life, I am glad to have them on this list. Scanning down the list I have either read, or partly read, or studied about 60% or more of the books listed. I have a lot of reading still to go but this list is a good start.
Here is the remaining 90 in alphabetical order:
THE OTHER 90
in alphabetical order by author
Chinua Achebe
Things Fall Apart
Alcoholics Anonymous
(The Big Book of A.A.)
Roland Bainton
Here I Stand
Karl Barth
The Epistle to the Romans
Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Robert N. Bellah, ET AL.
Habits of the Heart
Georges Bernanos
The Diary of a Country Priest
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Letters and Papers from Prison
David Bosch
Transforming Mission
Walter Brueggemann
The Prophetic Imagination
Emil Brunner
Truth as Encounter
Albert Camus
The Plague
Edward John Carnell
The Case for Orthodox Christianity
Willa Cather
Death Comes for the Archbishop
Dorothy Day
The Long Loneliness
Annie Dillard
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
Documents of Vatican II
W. E. B. Dubois
The Souls of Black Folk
T. S. Eliot
Four Quartets
Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man
Jacques Ellul
The Technological Society
Shusaku Endo
Silence
Anne Frank
The Diary of Anne Frank
Victor Frankl
Man’s Search for Meaning
Sigmund Freud
Civilization and Its Discontents
The Fundamentals
Langdon Gilkey
Shantung Compound
Carol Gilligan
In a Different Voice
Graham Greene
The Power and the Glory
John Howard Griffin
Black Like Me
Gustavo Gutiérrez
A Theology of Liberation
Philip Paul Hallie
Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed
Stanley Hauerwas
A Community of Character
Václav Havel
Living in Truth
Richard Hays
The Moral Vision of the New Testament
Carl F. H. Henry
God, Revelation, and Authority (six volumes)
John R. Hersey
Hiroshima
Abraham Heschel
The Prophets
Aldous Huxley
Brave New World
William James
The Varieties of Religious Experience
Franz Kafka
The Trial
Martin Luther King, Jr.
A Testament of Hope
Thomas S. Kuhn
The Structure of Scientific Revolutions
Harper Lee
To Kill a Mockingbird
Aldo Leopold
A Sand County Almanac
C. S. Lewis
The Chronicles of Narnia
(especially The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) and The Screwtape Letters
J. Gresham Machen
Christianity and Liberalism
Alasdair C. MacIntyre
After Virtue
Malcolm X and Alex Haley
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
George M. Marsden
Fundamentalism and American Culture
François Mauriac
Viper’s Tangle
Jürgen Moltmann
The Crucified God
Richard John Neuhaus
The Naked Public Square
Lesslie Newbigin
The Gospel in a Pluralist Society
Reinhold Niebuhr
The Nature and Destiny of Man (two volumes)
H. Richard Niebuhr
Christ and Culture
Kathleen Norris
The Cloister Walk
Henri J. M. Nouwen
The Wounded Healer
Anders Nygren
Agape and Eros
Elizabeth O’Connor
Journey Inward, Journey Outward
Flannery O’Connor
A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories
Rudolf Otto
The Idea of the Holy
J. I. Packer
Knowing God
Alan Paton
Cry, the Beloved Country
Jaroslav Pelikan
Jesus Through the Centuries
Josef Pieper
The Four Cardinal Virtues
Michael Polanyi
Personal Knowledge
Chaim Potok
The Chosen
Walter Rauschenbusch
Christianity and the Social Crisis
Dorothy L. Sayers
The Mind of the Maker
Albert Schweitzer
The Quest of the Historical Jesus
Nevil Shute
On the Beach
Ronald J. Sider
Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger
Alexander Solzhenitsyn
The Gulag Archipelago and One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
John R. W. Stott
Basic Christianity
Paul Tournier
The Meaning of Persons
A. W. Tozer
The Pursuit of God
Barbara Tuchman
The Guns of August
Evelyn Underhill
Mysticism
Miroslav Volf
Exclusion and Embrace
Gerhard von Rad
Old Testament Theology
Andrew F. Walls
The Missionary Movement in Christian History
Max Weber
The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism
Simone Weil
Waiting for God
Elie Wiesel
Night
Charles Williams
Descent into Hell
Walter Wink
Engaging the Powers
Philip Yancey
The Jesus I Never Knew
The Question of Idenity in Life Transitions: And what is going on in the transition from college, to post college, to young adult.
(This is a rant, a critique, and a revealing of myself as well; it is a post that I am writing as I am asking myself the same questions as others are; it is a post that reflects my own thinking that is in process)
There seems to be a lot of confusion these days in the 18 to early 30′s population. This is nothing really new, but there is a growing trend to identify what is going on. Because issues and questions are arising that weren’t present in previous generations. Now they might have been present, but how these issues were resolved were different. But in the United States and in other Western industrialized nations, the process of transition has taken on new dimensions.
Are these new dimensions in transition healthy? Unhealthy?
One of the things that has really interested me is how I combine my Master of Divinity degree in theology with the Marriage and Family Therapy degree that I am currently working on. And one of the points of contact between these two areas of study that keeps arising is the issue of identity. It is one question that can be addressed in many different ways. When it comes to theology the question is usually answered by looking at identity in terms of “calling” or our relationship with Jesus Christ. Who are we in Christ? When it comes to psychology it is usually addressed in terms of life stages, and how one answers the question of “Who am I?” in each stage of life. This is a very elementary way to look at this issue, as there is much more complexity involved, but I think it is helpful.
It is helpful because I believe that some of the transitional problems in the college to post college to young adult age demographic revolve around the issue of identity, and these transitional issues can only be properly answered by how we understand ourselves in each stage of life, and more importantly, how we view our identity in Christ through these transitions.
As a Christian I cannot properly resolve my questions, and transition from each life stage without having a life that is properly rooted in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Jesus Christ I cannot properly understand my identity and who I am. Knowing these things helps me properly live in, and move on from each stage of life that I find myself in.
Why have I decided to write on this topic? Because for the first time in my life I am having to really answer these questions for myself in ways that I have not previously had to. And because I cannot recall a time in ministry where I have fielded more calls and emails from students asking questions about who they are, and what is okay or not okay for the stage and age they find themselves in. It is a time of confusion, which often raises up fear as people wrestle with the question of how normal the feelings, doubts, questions, emotions, etc. that they are experiencing are.
This topic is not really new as I mentioned before. You probably became very aware of it over the last year from this article They Just Won’t Grow Up in TIME Magazine.
This article focused on the topic of Twixters : (source of definition: Wikipedia)
The word Twixter describes a new generation of Americans who are trapped between (betwixt) adolescence and adulthood. They are young adults (18-29) who jump from job to job and mate to mate but still largely depend on their parents. The conventional wisdom is that they are not lazy, just immature (it seems possible that they could be both, but apparently their immaturity is more important here). Time Magazine has recently done a thoughtful exposé on Twixters, putting this largely forgotten demographic in the spotlight.
This demographic can also be referred to as:
Etc.
There is definitely many more terms that is often applied to these people who now find themselves in college, post college and young adult demographic. There is also some flux in the age. Usually going as low as 18, and sometimes as high as the early to mid-thirties. Relevant Magazine talked about this in the article, Get This, Are You A Twixter.
This is a pop culture phenomenon in many ways. But there is also some serious research on this issue. Probably the most helpful research and information is being done by Jeffrey Arnett, and a couple of his books,
Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties
and
Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood: A Cultural Approach
In a document titled Emerging Adulthood: The Risky Years, Ages 18-25 he lists some characteristics of this demographic:
What is emerging adulthood?
–Lasts from about age 18-25; for many, lasts through the twenties
–Begins with the end of secondary school; ends with the attainment of full adult status–?
–Exists mainly in industrialized societies, but growing in developing countries.
Social Changes leading to emerging adulthood
–Later ages of marriage and parenthood
–Longer and more widespread education
–Birth control, fewer children
–Acceptance of premarital sexuality, cohabitation
Five features of emerging adulthood
–The age of identity explorations
–The age of instability
–The self-focused age
–The age of feeling in-between
–The age of possibilities
Top Criteria for Adulthood
–Accept responsibility for one’s self
–Making independent decisions
–Become financially independent
Those are some basic statistics and ideas. Depending on who you read, and what you read, some of the ideas, theories and statistics will vary. But what I find fascinating is the five features of emerging adulthood:
–The age of identity explorations
–The age of instability
–The self-focused age
–The age of feeling in-between
–The age of possibilities
All of these things combined can tend to make people confused, doubt, ask questions and produce a certain amount of fear. Think about it. If you are in age where identity is explored, and there is instability, and you are feeling in-between, but there is also a lot of possibilities, but you are also self-focused. Wow!
What does this mean for us? These are some of the things I am seeing in my own ministry and in the communities that I am a part of, read about, and observe.
Identity Explorations:
Students are leaving college, and they are wondering what am I going to do? What they decide to do will form a lot of their identity. So they explore all the options, wrestling with what their job says about them. They also explore multiple relationships, some traditional, and some not so traditional, wrestling with what this person, or these people, or this community says about who I am. Does this community or this relationship give me a sense of success; of popularity; does it make my appearance more attractive to those around me; etc., etc. What about where I live? If I live on this side of town than I must be successful, or run in the right group. Exploration of identity is being explored in many ways from the right career, to the right friends, to being seen in the right places.
Age of Instability:
This stage is causing a lot of instability because there really is no rooting of identity in something that is solid. The exploring moves one away from stability, as they move in and out of different groups; move to different places in the city, state or country, to pursue a different job to gain identity, etc. And it feels so much more unstable because our parents didn’t seem to wrestle with this as much. Though they might have, there seemed to be more social norms and constraints that helped transition people into each stage in ways that we do not experience.
Self-Focused Age:
This is an age that seems to be all about “me.” In this stage there doesn’t seem to be much concern necessarily for others. This is not a malicious thing, but the question doesn’t really arise of how what “I” do benefits others. The question is more about how this benefits “me.” The concern is more about how what a person does can benefit them. This makes sense in many ways and is nothing unique to this stage, but there seems to a more self-indulgent sense of self, a more self-indulgent focus on “me.” This self-focus keeps people in this stage from properly moving on. Why? Because transitions into other stages such as marriage and having kids and raising a family are not self-focused endeavors. Being married, having kids, and raising a family require sacrifice of a person, and require a person asking the question “What is better for my wife/husband, kids, family, etc.” And since this stage is so self-focused, people often have a fear of moving onto other stages because they don’t want to give up what they have, or give up their lifestyle, or give up their life being about them. Often a person will try to transition into a new stage trying to do the same things that were a part of the previous stage, and they realize that this doesn’t work. Transitioning from one stage to the next often requires a giving up of things. Saying yes to one thing, necessarily requires saying no to other things.
Age of Feeling In-Between:
This stage is a weird place to be because one is leaving a community such as college, and then moving onto adulthood. But the transition often seems to large to make all at once. So often a person moves little by little, with one foot in each place, and maybe a hand or two in other places. There is usually not a full-committment to anything, but rather a watching and waiting to see what should be next. We see this in ministry all the time. In fact, about two years ago, our church started a post college ministry that would fill in the gap between the college group and the young adults. So you have a college ministry of 18-22 year olds. Then you have young adults which is like 25-35. And in-between is 23-24. Very small age group. It is a great ministry, but it speaks of what is going on in our culture.
Age of Possibilities:
This could be one of the more difficult factors. As the saying goes the world is your oyster seems proper here. There are so many possibilities, and no one wants to choose one, and then find out they made the wrong choice. This creates a sense of paralysis which keeps this age group from often making any decisions; from committing to anything. What if I choose the wrong spouse to marry? So instead I will not committ at all, and just date, and hook-up and maybe co-habitate. What if I choose the wrong career? Then I won’t feel fulfilled, and I will have missed out on my dream, etc. What if I choose the wrong church? Instead I will hop around, going to the church that is cool for the moment, but I don’t want to committ in case another church becomes the place to be. This endless option of possibilities is both a very difficult and paralyzing thing, but I also think it can be a good thing. People can believe they can do anything, and often pursue their dreams with passion because there are so many opportunities.
I think that one of the underlying factors that arises out of these things is fear though. People are afraid to committ, to take the focus off self, to make the wrong decision, to be in-between, to not have answers, etc., etc. This article says Twixters fear making decisions and making mistakes. And obviously they go hand in hand. So no one makes a decision, so there is no mistake to be made. And instead, in this stage we often float carelessly around, doing what we want to do, and what makes us happy, because that is what matters. Because that is who we are, that is our identity.
My Own Wrestling
I am 30 years old and I can resonate with a lot of what is being said about this generation and age demographic. The possibilities seem endless to me at times. I am a pastor, but I am also in school studying counseling. I want to write a book, and I would love to have a radio show someday. I also want to live abroad for a year or more at some point in my life, with my family, doing missional work. And on and on and on. Tons of possibilities. But now that I am married also, I have had to transition out of my previous life stage and into a new one. This has required me to take a lot of the focus off myself, and to think about my wife, and a future family, and on and on. And I know in this transition that God is still showing me, and asking me to become less self-focused than I am. To die to myself, and carry my cross, and follow him (Luke 14:27). He is asking me to learn what it means to not only submit to him, but to mutually submit to my wife (Ephesians 5:21).
So I find myself in-between as well, like many of my students and friends. And things seem very unstable at times.
But for me I think the question revolves around the issue of identity. And for you I believe it does as well.
Finding Our Identity in Relationship with Jesus Christ
Henri Nouwen likes to point out that Jesus’ identity rested in his relationship with his Father. That before Jesus did any “ministry” that we know of, he knew who he was. He knew that he was loved by his Father, and that his Father was well pleased. In Mark 1:11 at Jesus’ baptism the text reads: “And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.’” Jesus’ idenity didn’t rest in the fact that he could heal people, and cast out demons, perform miracles. It didn’t rest in his actions or doing. But it rested in his being. My professor made the comment the other night that Western cultures, especially in Christianity, often form their identity on doing, rather than being. I think he is right.
As a college pastor my identity often rests in the students I work with and how they see me, and what they say about me. It rests in what kind of influence I have, and the sermons I can preach, and the people I can minister to. Do, do, do. I am often not content, or never content in just being a child of God. My identity is formed, thrives, and is affirmed in what I can manufacture and say and do. Sabbath is a reminder to me that God is pleased with me when I do nothing; when I create nothing. But I am not always content with that. That does not make sense to me. That can not be right I want to say at times.
Not Forming Our Identity Around the Wrong Things
I believe that the trouble that most people in the “emerging adulthood” demographic have, and wrestle with, is the issue of identity. They buy, do, consume, all in an attempt to form and stabilize their identity. The only problem with this. Our identity rests in things that have no eternal value, and when we soon realize that clothes, houses, money, cars, popularity, etc., can’t fulfill us, then we realize we have been chasing the wrong things. But that’s often all we know how to do. In Matthew 6:19-21, Jesus says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” When we do things and wrap ourselves in things that we hope bring us a sense of worth and identity, and it is not Christ…we feel very unstable.
Being Content, Regardless of Circumstance
In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul says, “Not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
This may be simplistic, or seem that way, and that is because it is. It is very simplistic, yet so hard to do. Paul knew what it was to be content, regardless of circumstance. Jesus knew that his identity was in the relationship with his Father, not in his doing.
When you and I learn to have an identity which finds its place in Jesus Christ, and the relationship we have with him, rather than in the things we do, I believe we are in the right place. When we learn what it means to be content, regardless of circumstances, our identity is secure, because it is not based on, or circumstanstial to the things we surround ourselves with, or try so hard to do and be. Identity is never stable when it is based on circumstances or circumstantial things.
Concluding Thoughts
In the “emerging adulthood” demographic we are in a time and place in our life when we are forming a better sense of identity, and we are searching for the things that will bring that to us. But instead of searching for the things that do not fulfill, we should learn what it means to cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ, and what it means to have an identity formed in him. This helps us learn to be content in each stage of life, or wherever we may find ourself, which will help minimize our trouble transitioning from one stage to the next.
As a college pastor I talk to many students about this issue, as I work through it myself. And the best thing that I can come up with is to allow students and people space to ask questions, and to always point them towards a relationship with Jesus Christ. To be content in Him. To make them aware that circumstances don’t shape who we are, but relationships do.
I am all over the place, so I will stop now. But thanks for reading this post if you have even gotten this far. It is not a post that I have said all that needs to be said, but rather it is a post that I wrote while exploring these issues myself.
I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MDiv, MSMFT, LMFT), and co-facilitate marriage intensives. I also love to write, speak, and run.
Author of The Anxious Christian which is tentatively slated to be published by Moody Publishers on March 1, 2012.
To schedule a counseling appointment contact Auxano Counseling at 972-312-8893.
